New Years Resolution: Bologna

What is the point? I will never understand, that is for sure. What is the "specialness" of January 1st that is suppose to change lives and make a whole new you? It's just like the first day of school. Everyone is nice the first week and then they realize it is too hard to be nice, so they go back to their old selves. We all do it... don't try to deny it. Yet every year, even I, the epitome of failing New Years Resolutions, set my goals once again, only to cause another round of giving up. But at least now I can recognize I have this problem... more than others admit. In order of goals, I have accumulated my top 10 list for 2008

1. Read the bible in a year

2. Lose 42 pounds... um, please

3. Lose 5 pounds if 42 doesn't work

4. Be nicer

5. Don't judge on first impressions

6. Find a guy and actually keep him

7. Get a Persian kitten (white preferably)

8. Save my money for downpayments

9. Learn about everything I've ever wanted to know

10. Finally, I would love to finish a book. I never make it.

All Grown Up Now!

Sorry for the delays in blogging.... I know several are disappointed. To update those who may not already know, I finally graduated from Harding on December 15 with a Bachelors of Science! Hard to believe that a home-ec degree would ever qualify as a science, but hey, I'll take it. "It is an ever-changing research" they say... that is what makes it a 'science'. Whatever. Since my release of PRISON, I have been enjoying a relaxing vacation of nothing but shopping and crafting and cleaning with the rents in St. Louis. In January I am making the move to Chattanooga, TN to work for my brother John. I finally made my decision, and am just hoping it was the right one! I'm in the transition stage right now of " 13 going on 22" in trying to mature and get ready for the job life. No more sleeping in, no more roommates, no more living by the minute... I will be financially, emotionally and physically on my own now. To be frank... I am TERRIFIED! This is my spiritual test... I know, I know. But I know God has got his hand wrapped around me! Wish me luck!

Times A FLYIN'!

From freshman year and going snipe hunting in a field of meth dealers to senior year of observing, writing, working and analysing my life... my time at Harding has absolutely flown by, just like yall said it would. Though I've cried and cried to get me outta here, I know God made mama say no for a reason. I've made so many mistakes and regrets that I've learned from, and to be honest, I wouldn't change it. Every sin I've committed, every lie I've told, every friend I've lost...I was miserable. I prayed that God would change my heart and He didn't. I was discouraged and hated my life. Looking back on everything the past couple months, it has been amazing to be on the outside looking in and seeing how everything that happened has made me so much stronger. Not only have I finally started saying my prayers everynight and meaning them, but I have a desire for the Lord, which I have wanted all these years. Harding has been absolutely awful for me, and I sometimes wish I had changed schools, but I now understand why God put me here. He did it so I could make the mistakes and know myself better than anyone ever could. Without understanding myself and knowing my heart, I was bound to a life of hopelessness and being lost. I'm so grateful for my pain and suffering, because finally I am able to love myself and be comfortable about my mistakes and know that is what made me a better person. Mom always told me I would have to hit rock bottom before I could get back up, and I think my experience at Harding was my rock.. but if that is what it took, then so be it. I hope someday I can influence people, not by letting them learn from my mistakes, but encouraging them that things will turn out the way GOD intended them to... not the way they themselves wanted them too. I've learned that it's not just a mind thing... but a heart thing, that is the most important.

" Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

Happy Birthday MAMA!

Mom, I hope your day was super special today! It is so hard being without you down here, I wish I could be there for everyone of your birthdays like you are for mine. And I hope I can do that for my kids like you have! You are such an amazing mother, did you know that? I hear a lot of times that moms get discouraged and let down by their kids, but even when I do that to you, I hope you always know deep in your heart that you are more than I could EVER ask for, and I am so blessed to have you as MY mother! I love talking to you everday and I don't know where I would be if I didn't have you there to answer (or not) those six times a day when I need you to make me smile. I love spending time with you and I just never seem to want to leave whenever I am with you. Thanks for being such a great mom these 21 years to me. Dad, John, David, Wendy, Sandi, me, Mitsy, Ginger, and Tyson are so blessed to have you in our lives and setting such a great example everyday! Happy Birthday ol Lady! I love you with all my heart!

Wiggin Out

This past saturday was my last function of my Harding career! It was called "Wiggin Out with Iota Chi". It was hilarious. We were all suppose to wear a wig (which most didn't). But last minute, I got mine at a flea market nearby. I really loved it, however, it was really crimpy and so I called up my African friend and borrowed his gangster clothes. It fit the wig. I had too. I had his huge jeans on, a "Brooklyn" 2 XL shirt and a silver chain. They loved dressing me up, and surprisingly I loved dressing up too. My date "J Willy" wore a mullet and combat boots with his shorts and t-shirt. We were a sight for sore eyes, and the life of the party. Had there been a competition (which there usually is) we would have won by a landslide. We missed the hayride because my britches kept falling down and I couldn't run, but we did roast a few hot dogs and caught up with my fellow Iota Chiers. There is nothing going on with J Willy (for those who are getting some idea stuck in their head). He's just a friend! But we had an awesome time and I'm so sad I wont get to do that again!

My Better Book

I've been hearing so many inspiring things lately, and sometimes it just gets too much to handle. Every morning I wake up and say to myself "Brenda, you are going to better yourself today" and I try and focus on something inspiring one of my friends said or from something I had prayed about the night before. However, as the day progresses on, I tend to forget how I was going to be better. So, consequently, it never happens. I'm still the same ol Bren I was last night. My memory just seems to be failing me lately on these inspiring quotes. It was time I did something about it. I made myself a "Better Book". I decided that whenever I feel down, like crying, like slitting someone's throat, or even maybe a little too overly good about myself... I can reflect on my Better Book. I've been writing things down to make me feel better about myself, inspire me, and remind me of things I too often forget. For example, lately, I am constantly reminding myself that God makes everything in my life happen for a reason. Sometimes, that doesn't always stick to me, so I need to read it back to myself. I get so discouraged and down, but I need to understand that that is what is making me a better person. Also, I was at work one day thinking about how most all of my friends have betrayed me and I just wish I could find a few that I could fully rely on...that was as perfect as me. Then it hit me...what if I am the bad friend? It seems to be an ongoing battle for me to find the right group of those who will love me as much as I love them, so I decided that it was time for me to step up and "be the person I look for in others". Not the girl that talks about her best friends behind their backs, or the girl that says "wow, I would never date him", but the girl that I crave in my other friends. The past few days I have really focused on that. Can I just say that it has been wonderful? God is truely blessing me and it makes me cry to see what I've missed out on. Another thing that has really helped me is rewarding myself. When I'm proud of something I did or said no too, I go buy something or give myself a piece of cake (or three). Perhaps this isn't what a credit counselor would say, but it sure has worked for me. It makes me appreciate myself and the grounds I can now stand. My Better Book has helped me out so much lately, and I just hope and pray that someday I'll make the difference I've always wanted too!

Another one bites the dust

Many of you seem to be concerned with my date with Adam. Well, to prevent my anger from resurfacing every time, I must tell you that it did not happen. On Friday (the night before our date), I received a facebook message from him saying, "Yeah, 7:00 sounds great. You keep referring to this as a date, I could be wrong, but I just thought we were going as friends. LOL. After all, you did ask ME. I'll see you tomorrow!" WELL!! Little does he know that NO one says that to Brenda. Oh no, no, no. Could I have been any more embarrassed? Not only did I NOT refer to it as a date (at least to him, but yeah, maybe to the rest of the world) except for "um, I can't think of anything to do, I haven't been on a date in what seems like years." Thats it! So, I have no idea where he got the whole 'keep referring this as a date thing'. Then little Adam got a taste of his own medicine because no way was I going out with a guy who talked to me like that! Saturday morning I responded, "Sorry, I dont think I'm going to make it tonight. See ya around." Ha. That will teach 'em.

For Once I'm Speechless

Yesterday was the happiest day of my life. Story time....

On the first day of school this semester, I was eating lunch in the student center when something blonde and beautiful caught my eye. It was like there was an halo around Adam's head. He was the cutest, no, HOTTEST guy I'd ever seen in my life. If there is one thing I've learned at Harding, it is to be aggressive. So, aggressive I became. After four hours of endless class, I ran home to the match.com of my life... facebook. Under the search page I found him. While shaking, I clicked "add to friends" to the right of his picture. Rumor had it that he would accept almost anyone as a friend, so I took my chances. Sure enough. At 6:46 pm, he accepted! So hot Adam would not think of me as just some other chick trying to be his friend, I wanted to stand out. That's when I decided to send him a message. Bonnie and I sat to think of all the things I could say, with the end result being, all my options sounded stupid. I sounded desperate and hopeless. But, I had to do it. So... my first message to my dream come true included something such as "I know you don't know me, but I saw you in the student center today and I just wanted to get to know you." I can't remember for the life of me what he responded, but the important thing is... he responded. We started messaging back and forth and became friends on myspace as well. Apparently, he considered that a big deal. He had written on my wall that all the pictures I had up on facebook were the same pictures as I had on myspace! Embarrassing, yes... but you know what that meant?! He stalked me! For once in my life, I was stalked by a good looking man! My life could not have gotten any better. So, after months of messaging back and forth (and waiting for him to end it with the girl he started dating), I did the unthinkable. I asked him out. Yes. I did. I said, "So, am I ever going to get to meet you and go out with you?" He responded, "LOL, of coarse you can, when do you have time?" Or something like that. I then went on to tell him that this Saturday I am free and that next time I saw him in the student center I would introduce myself. And guess what? He was free on saturday too! Once the excitement had somewhat subsided, then the next unthinkable occured. Yesterday, as I sat stuffing my face full of my favorite cabatta bread and turkey sandwich from the student center, I opened my eyes inbetween a chew when I saw him. Without thinking, I jumped up on my feet and ran up the two stairs to where he was, while wiping excess mustard and bread crumbs from my face. I'll never forget this moment, I promised myself. I grabbed his arm and he turned around with an open grin. "Adam, I am THE Brenda" I said. "HI!" he responded eagarly, with his arm extending out towards me. What is he doing?, I thought. Surely not, surely not, he is, he is! He reached over and put his arm around my shoulders. AH!!!!!! There was no way he didn't feel the tension in me as I quickly buckled my knees before they became weak. After the too-short, yet seemed-forever, one armed hug, there I stood like a complete idiot! I was so nervous I quickly looked around for a somewhat acquaintance to say hi to to ease my stagefright. No one... except a mutual friend of ours, who I also am obsessed with and went on two dates with and never received a call back from. Ouch. Then I had no where else to look, so I looked up. Great... he's tall.. just where my eyes landed... in his. Oh my goodness. Absolutely breath-taking. Adam has bright blue, crystal clear eyes that can simply cut your heart straight open. Then I couldn't stop. Look somewhere else! You look obsessed! I didn't. I was love-struck. Did I mention he is a model? Maybe that would enhance my description of how incredibly beautiful he is! Too this moment, I completely forget what we talked about.. but I know I didn't say much. Maybe a few responses every now and then, but that would even be surprising. I do remember him looking forward to this weekend! Woohoo! Good thing I didn't do my date dance then. At the end of our first meeting, it happened again. He reached over. This time... I reached back. How could I not... it was the opportunity of a lifetime. He exceeded my expectations by including the other arm..making it a two-armed hug! Yes! I couldn't ask for more. I felt as though I skipped away, however, I know that would have been physically impossible with the pants I have grown into lately. End of story... we messaged again and are hopefully going to see Saw 4 on Saturday! I can seriously say that this is the most excited I have ever been!

Facts and Peeves...just a thought

You ever think you really know someone? I mean like, really know them? I bet you'd be surprised what you really never knew. I know I surprise myself everyday! Just thought I would give bloggers and those who have nothing better to do than read blogs a list of facts about me and my pet peeves so everyone can know the wierd things about me!

FACTS ABOUT ME
I have an obsession with reading cookbooks.
I have to have chocolate after every meal (unless I am in a hurry)
I've fallen in love with cats more than dogs. Go figure.
I usually fall asleep with the sheets over my head.
If I don't have my special pillow, I get a stiff neck.
I have sensitive fingertips and an extremely sensitive bellybutton. (How I found that out, I'll never know).
I have a newfound love for Fuji apples.
I sleep with three alarm clocks, yet still oversleep for class.
If I hadn't majored in FCS, I would have chosen criminal justice.
My favorite color is black, and most of my clothes are black.
My favorite boy's names start with a "C".
My favorite tv shows are: America's Funniest Pets and People, Reba, Still Standing, Everybody Loves Raymond, and King of Queens.
I cannot do multiplication for the life of me.
I become bigger baby the older I get.
In public restrooms, I typically pre-release the paper towels before I wash my hands, then use the paper towel to open the door and hold it open with one foot while I reach to the trash can and push the trashcan open with the used paper towel before throwing it away.
I'm very multi-task oriented.

PET PEEVES
I cant stand it when people wipe tables off with their hands, much less catch the food off the table into their spare hand. YUCK!

When girls burp in public.

When people do not brush their tongue.

When guys don't hold the door open for girls.

When the TV is too loud.

When people disrespect others in public settings.

Immature people who are loud and obnoxious. DRIVES ME CRAZY!

To be cont....

Don't Procrastinate...

Since I am graduating, and Christmas is soon approaching, I did not want anyone to be stressed when the time gets away from us and you still haven't gotten me a present. Due to the price upgrade for this years gifts, I will accept a present as both a graduation/Christmas gift. It seems only fair. Here is my list this year....

a coordinating dishware set
cookware
a tv for my bedroom
a stereo
queen size sheet set (olive green)
books (about cats, crafts, scrapbooking, makeup, massaging, cookbooks, haircutting... )
candles
scrapbooking stuff
wrinkle-reducing stuff (yes, I am quickly aging)
anything for my empty house

Hopefully that will get some of you started. Nothing will go unappreciated however! You're just lucky I didnt register myself! Now, GET SHOPPING!

Grasshopper Conflict

A fairly new found heeby-jeeby of mind is the sight, smell and feel of grasshoppers and/or crickets. Many may know that I simply freak out when I am near one. For some it may be spiders, snakes, rodents, etc... but not me. Gimme a snake to wrap around my shoulders and I'll be fine. Put me near a grasshopper and I become somewhat psychotic. Well, let me tell a little story about my near-death experience. As I sit at the Royal Inn desk, the interior bright lights apparently scream, "grasshoppers should invade here". They eagerly await the door to open to make their appearance when guests come in. During the many times Tiffany has come to visit me at work, we have counted the grasshoppers sporadically distributed throughout the office. If my psychotic memory serves me right, we have noted as many as 16 INSIDE my little coupe. These little green boogers appear to be the more innocent breed of grasshoppers, versus the blood-sucking black-buggy eyed ones. For the most part they mind their business and cling to the walls, lights or windows. I have yet to have a panic attack due to personal contact with them. However, as I was sitting at the computer the other day typing away, I had my right leg crossed over the left one, jiggling it like I always do when I'm bored. My foot was scantily clad because of my about-to-fall-off-flip-flop. Then I felt it. Blood rushed throughout my body, as I was too scared to look. But, temptation got the best of me as I glanced down only to find the most vicious breed of grasshopper had landed on the arch of my foot. I saw the black buggy eyes looking at my toenail polish, admiring what a nice job I had done on my pedicure. Nearly breathless, I stopped jiggling and remained completely still. If the prey moves, the demon could jump ANYWHERE and of ANY distance, quite possibly landing on the prey's face. Then, I could have died...instantly. I tried to run, I tried to hide....I couldn't move. I opened my mouth to scream. I felt like I was in a dream screaming as loud as I could, with nothing coming out. However, not only was I embarrassed that I am so terrified of grasshoppers, but I knew screaming wouldn't make him move and I didn't want to scare the Indians during their curry dinner. I realized there was no one there to help me. So, I realized I had to face my fear alone. I started jiggling my foot. Stupid idea. That was what I was doing when he JUMPED on my foot. He didn't mind. He stayed there twirling his little whiskers, just to creep me out even more. Finally, after about thirty seconds of death-defying actions, I looked around to grab something to shoo him off. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The mouse would not reach, the calculator was too far away and the computer screen was just a little ridiculous to maneuver. That meant one thing... I would have to use my hand. I used my right hand because it was stronger and in case he grabbed hold of my foot, I could pry him off a little easier. Low and behold, God was on my side. As I reached down my leg, the grasshoppers' whiskers must have caught wind of my slow movement. The black creature knew what was best for his life and he quickly removed himself from the situation. All I heard was a thud as he must have hit the wall before disappearing into the darkness never to be seen again. My color eventually turned back to normal, my heart rate ceased and I used at least 1/4 of the sanitizer bottle to rid myself of any demon possession that might have occurred during my grasshopper encounter. In the meantime, I have guarded myself to remain grasshopper free and I keep my eye out for those little heeby-jeeby creatures, for they can attack at any time.

ChristianSingles.com

As you may know, I have been participating in the "I'm desperate" online dating scene. Funny, I know... but funny does it no justice. On the website, you are given the opportunity to "wink" at someone and "email me" to any of the other users. Many already know, I am quite the 'winker'. Boy, has that feature ever given me an inferiority complex. Ya know how when you have a huge, red, flaming pimple on your face and you just wish God had given you the head of a pig, because at least pigs dont get flaming red zits? Well, that is how this experience at online dating has done to me. I have never felt so ugly and vomitable since I was in middle school! I always anticipate the "new winks" that are notified by email and eagarly sign on to see who finds me interesting. However, when I see the username "juanito36 has winked at you", I tend to reevaluate myself. Why are only those south of the border attracted to me? And if they do happen to be north of the border, why are they still single? Then I talk to them more and it is apparent. Though I thought Christiansingles may have failed me, I did have an awfully cute and eventful story that has come of it. I met this guy, Ryan, from St. Louis and I knew I knew him from somewhere. We kinda text back and forth and lost contact when I came to school. Well, our contact started up again a couple weeks ago and long story short, I used to shampoo his hair and his mom's hair at the salon and he was the guy all the ladies talked about wanting me to meet. What a co-ink-ca-dink. Maybe all my whining has paid off and God is ready to give me a interest in an American christian single!

Heavy Loads

This morning I woke up with a heavy load on my shoulders.... Tyson. He was snuggled up around my neck due to a severe thunder storm last night. Normally I would think it was cute, but unfortunately, it hasn't been lately. He has a been infested with the fleas of a thousands lives and I have done everything in my power to get rid of them. Its just come to a point where I am accepting the flea bites on my neck and ankles as beauty marks. Hey, thats what love does to someone. Besides the stress of fleas, I've also been trying to cope with my heavy load of projects all piled upon me at once. Gotta love it. But, fortunately tonight is my night off of homework and I've been watching hours upon hours of Reba, one of my favorite shows. On a more serious note, I am stressed in figuring out what to do with myself. Upon graduation, I can (a.) move to Chatty and be the ever-so-desired cleaning lady and tattoo "never-getting-married" on my forehead or (b.) stay with my parents and um, (c.) do nothing, yet hopefully meet some prince charming. Its just kinda tough being away from the rents even though I am 21 with a 12 year old heart. :) Any suggestions? I would love advice....

Thanks In Laws

Feeling the pressure from both Sandi and Wendy, I decided it was time to update the stay-at-home-moms-who-still-fail-to-send-a-college-student-ANY-letters, on this newfound independent womans life. Granted, it may not be as exciting and full of little children as most, however I do look awfully cute with food on my face. (will post later) If you still haven't realized that I am STILL a college student (though overly mature and hardworking), I would like to fill you in my my economic status: currently there is a 3/4 jar of peanut butter in my pantry, 2 packages of 3 year old Ramen Noodles, and like 5 things of cornbread that just don't seem to go well with peanut butter or Ramen Noodles. Therefore, my point is: donations are being accepted at this time...okay... ANY time.

I have been diligently working at the Royal Inn about 20 hours a week trying to afford some strawberry jelly for my peanut butter. 7 more hours to go. I have, however, broadened my horizons for the Indian culture as well as their food. (to be discussed in private conversations only). At the Royal Inn, here in Searcy Arkansas, I sit behind a rather large desk and stalk people on myspace, facebook, and google. On occasion, I do a little homework, and even rarer than that, I check people in. The typical check-ins have been very multi-cultural ranging from Mexican, to Mexicans that can speak english, to fellow Searcians (why, I will never know), and to Judsonians whose car couldn't make it back from Walmart. It has been quite the experience, that is fa sure. I couldn't ask for a better way to get paid to do homework, stalk, and now... blog. I said I never would....I said I'd never have time.... well, look where that got me!