Grasshopper Conflict

A fairly new found heeby-jeeby of mind is the sight, smell and feel of grasshoppers and/or crickets. Many may know that I simply freak out when I am near one. For some it may be spiders, snakes, rodents, etc... but not me. Gimme a snake to wrap around my shoulders and I'll be fine. Put me near a grasshopper and I become somewhat psychotic. Well, let me tell a little story about my near-death experience. As I sit at the Royal Inn desk, the interior bright lights apparently scream, "grasshoppers should invade here". They eagerly await the door to open to make their appearance when guests come in. During the many times Tiffany has come to visit me at work, we have counted the grasshoppers sporadically distributed throughout the office. If my psychotic memory serves me right, we have noted as many as 16 INSIDE my little coupe. These little green boogers appear to be the more innocent breed of grasshoppers, versus the blood-sucking black-buggy eyed ones. For the most part they mind their business and cling to the walls, lights or windows. I have yet to have a panic attack due to personal contact with them. However, as I was sitting at the computer the other day typing away, I had my right leg crossed over the left one, jiggling it like I always do when I'm bored. My foot was scantily clad because of my about-to-fall-off-flip-flop. Then I felt it. Blood rushed throughout my body, as I was too scared to look. But, temptation got the best of me as I glanced down only to find the most vicious breed of grasshopper had landed on the arch of my foot. I saw the black buggy eyes looking at my toenail polish, admiring what a nice job I had done on my pedicure. Nearly breathless, I stopped jiggling and remained completely still. If the prey moves, the demon could jump ANYWHERE and of ANY distance, quite possibly landing on the prey's face. Then, I could have died...instantly. I tried to run, I tried to hide....I couldn't move. I opened my mouth to scream. I felt like I was in a dream screaming as loud as I could, with nothing coming out. However, not only was I embarrassed that I am so terrified of grasshoppers, but I knew screaming wouldn't make him move and I didn't want to scare the Indians during their curry dinner. I realized there was no one there to help me. So, I realized I had to face my fear alone. I started jiggling my foot. Stupid idea. That was what I was doing when he JUMPED on my foot. He didn't mind. He stayed there twirling his little whiskers, just to creep me out even more. Finally, after about thirty seconds of death-defying actions, I looked around to grab something to shoo him off. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The mouse would not reach, the calculator was too far away and the computer screen was just a little ridiculous to maneuver. That meant one thing... I would have to use my hand. I used my right hand because it was stronger and in case he grabbed hold of my foot, I could pry him off a little easier. Low and behold, God was on my side. As I reached down my leg, the grasshoppers' whiskers must have caught wind of my slow movement. The black creature knew what was best for his life and he quickly removed himself from the situation. All I heard was a thud as he must have hit the wall before disappearing into the darkness never to be seen again. My color eventually turned back to normal, my heart rate ceased and I used at least 1/4 of the sanitizer bottle to rid myself of any demon possession that might have occurred during my grasshopper encounter. In the meantime, I have guarded myself to remain grasshopper free and I keep my eye out for those little heeby-jeeby creatures, for they can attack at any time.