From freshman year and going snipe hunting in a field of meth dealers to senior year of observing, writing, working and analysing my life... my time at Harding has absolutely flown by, just like yall said it would. Though I've cried and cried to get me outta here, I know God made mama say no for a reason. I've made so many mistakes and regrets that I've learned from, and to be honest, I wouldn't change it. Every sin I've committed, every lie I've told, every friend I've lost...I was miserable. I prayed that God would change my heart and He didn't. I was discouraged and hated my life. Looking back on everything the past couple months, it has been amazing to be on the outside looking in and seeing how everything that happened has made me so much stronger. Not only have I finally started saying my prayers everynight and meaning them, but I have a desire for the Lord, which I have wanted all these years. Harding has been absolutely awful for me, and I sometimes wish I had changed schools, but I now understand why God put me here. He did it so I could make the mistakes and know myself better than anyone ever could. Without understanding myself and knowing my heart, I was bound to a life of hopelessness and being lost. I'm so grateful for my pain and suffering, because finally I am able to love myself and be comfortable about my mistakes and know that is what made me a better person. Mom always told me I would have to hit rock bottom before I could get back up, and I think my experience at Harding was my rock.. but if that is what it took, then so be it. I hope someday I can influence people, not by letting them learn from my mistakes, but encouraging them that things will turn out the way GOD intended them to... not the way they themselves wanted them too. I've learned that it's not just a mind thing... but a heart thing, that is the most important.
" Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
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The only thing I know to say is "W....O....W"!!! You have come so far and I'm so very, very proud of you.
Brenda, this is beautiful -- YOU are beautiful. Your experience has reminded me of the scripture in 1 Corinthians that says "I am a new creation, the old is gone, the new has come." You have been reborn over your time at Harding -- it is a very mature thing to say that you wouldn't trade your past experiences (even the bad ones) because of what you've learned about yourself and God. Our walk with God is definitely a JOURNEY -- our conversion doesn't always happen at the point of baptism -- sometimes it is through walking through trials and learning to truly rely on God. I have seen this in you over the last year -- God working in you and changing you into an even more beautiful creation -- more into HIS image. It wasn't that He didn't try changing you before like you were asking -- it took YOU being broken and realizing your need for Him that allowed Him to work in you.
I praise Him for you and for the future that He has already prepared for you!!
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